What can we accept, even if we don’t like it?
A few years ago, my husband and I moved into a new neighborhood in a new city and the strangest thing kept happening. At least once a week, when we went out for a walk, we would accidentally, yet inevitably, step in dog poop somewhere near our house. It wasn’t everywhere. But it was in exactly enough places where, just as we had forgotten about being careful from the last “incident,” it would happen again. It was So… annoying. And messy. And stinky.
I would complain about it at work, and colleagues would either laugh or express disbelief. They would offer, “That’s weird because you live in a nice neighborhood,” or “How is it possible that it keeps happening?” or a gentle version of “Why don’t you look where you’re going?”
I even had an out-of-town friend come stay at our flat for a few days, and by day three, it happened to him too. He stepped in it with brand new shoes, I swear! There was certainly some bizarre, distracted, messy energy around us that year. It kind of made sense as we were adjusting to a new home, new city, new jobs, and new sidewalks. But it made me crazy.
In what seemed unrelated… that December, we began getting holiday cards in the mail from family and friends. The first card we receive each year is usually from my super organized sister, whose stellar “Advanced Planning Skills” never cease to amaze me. This year was no different. Her cards are always thoughtfully curated, with the cutest family photos, on high-quality paper, with sweet calligraphy on the front, and a personal hand-written note on the back. Her photos of my gorgeous nieces always make me smile.
I am regularly in awe of my sister, who works full-time at a demanding job with a long commute. She is an amazingly thoughtful friend, sister, daughter, wife, and mother of two, and makes it a priority to get these little pockets of sunshine in the mail right after Thanksgiving.
When I called her to let her know I received and loved her card, the conversation went something like this:
Me: “I love your card this year. Great photo!”
Her: “Did you see the mistake?”
Me: “No way…. what are you talking about?”
Her: “I spelled our last name wrong. Typo.”
Me: “What!!? like a classic apostrophe error??”
Her: “Nope. I totally spelled it wrong. I put an extra “s” on the end of Collins.
Me: “That’s impossible. Collinss?! When did you notice?”
Her: “As soon as I received 150 of them back from the printer.”
Sure enough, I ran to my kitchen table and grabbed the card for inspection, and in total disbelief saw what she was talking about. I don’t know what was most astounding: the fact that she didn’t catch the typo before printing, or that I did not even notice it, or — and if you knew my sister, you would also be surprised by the fact — that she sent them out anyway? How did that happen??
Now listen closely, my friends, because herein lies the lesson: Of course her first and strongest instinct was to go into “fixer” mode and go to the card website and correct the error, and re-order and pay for 150 new cards, probably adding in next-day shipping… so she could still get them out early and check this off her long list, again.
However, my brother-in-law gently shut that option down — God Bless Him.
When she told him what had happened, he immediately understood her frustration. He knew he had to dissuade her from adding this huge task (back!) onto her holiday to-do list. They discussed a few options, like using a brown marker to cover up the extra letter. Then he calmly and matter-of-factly asked, “What if we send them as they are, and accept that… this is just the year we spelled our name wrong on our holiday cards?”
Imagine that! What if… [instead of exerting time and energy that you don’t have, and money that you already spent, into correcting an error that most people will not even notice, during the busiest time of the year…we just take a deep breath and accept that] this is just the year we spelled our name wrong on our holiday cards?
Would it be the end of the world? Could they live with that?
I guess they could. And they did. And I LOVE this little story!
I immediately began to apply this lesson to many aspects of my life. What is worth the effort to change, and what is not? When should I be meticulous, and when can I let a small imperfection go? What can I accept, even if I don’t like it?
“What if… this is the year we spelled our name wrong on our holiday cards?”
“What if… this is the year we don’t even send holiday cards?”
“What if… this is the year we inexplicably, repeatedly step in dog poop?”
“What if… this is the year of awkward pandemic socializing?”
“What if… this is the year our house is always a mess?”
“What if… this is the year our socks don’t match?”
Now let me be clear, I’m not talking about using this mantra to become a bad citizen. I am not advocating against caring about people, or for acting irresponsibly. This is not the year to yell at the barista for getting your coffee wrong. This is not the year to start using cocaine. We still need to go to work, pay the bills, call the vet, drive safely. But some things aren’t worth the effort. For those, I invite you to fill in the blank: “What if ____?”
I offer up these little anecdotes with the hope that you pause, take a breath, and perhaps smile. So many aspects of our lives are so serious, so challenging, sometimes even tragic. It is a wonder we can get out of bed some days. As humans, we are constantly stepping in metaphorical poop all the time. Some of it is absolutely worth getting upset about. A lot of things are indeed worth our time and struggle to change, to improve, to make more fair, more ideal, more perfect.
For everything else, release it, and go for a walk instead (just be sure to look where you’re going!)
